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Barney gets his kicks — and his butt kicked on Route 66

Hello to all my Tripawd friends!  It has been a while since I posted, but that is because I have been very, very busy.  Recently, a special package arrived at my house.

What could it be inside?  It kinda smells like poo from East Tennesee.  I asked my Mommy who it is from.  She said it was from my friend ET Gayle.  I still don’t know what it is, but I’m very excited.  Let’s open it up and look inside!

OMD — it’s Barney.  I have heard so much about this dude.  I just don’t know what to do first.  I think I’ll just start by chewing on him.

Barney insisted on keeping his special socks on that Gayle’s Mom made him.  He said it was too cold here in Illinois.  I allowed it because I did hear that those TN socks have special “juju.”  Anyway, I tried and tried to hurt Barney by chewing on him …

but that little dude is a LOT tougher than he looks.  Now don’t get me wrong, I have faith in my ability to tear Barney apart, but by this time I was getting impatient, so I tried to suffocate him by sitting on him.

He looks like the Wicked Witch of the East after the house fell on her — bazinga!  I crack myself up!  But seriously, that guy can hold his breath for a really long time.  By this time, my pawrents were getting mad at me for being mean to Barney.  They told me I needed to be nice because Barney was a guest in our house and town and we needed to show him the sights.  I decided to bide my time — and engage in a little psychological warfare against Barney while we showed him around.  First he tagged along to my Daddy’s office on Saturday morning.  A lot of times, my Daddy takes me to his office on Saturdays so I can help him work.  I want to go during the week, but he won’t let me.  Something about all of the secretaries just wanting to love on me and not do their work.

By this time, Barney was starting to get a little cocky.  He insisted on copying his butt.  He said he wanted to mail it to Comet because she has been talking smack about him.

Barney asked if he could go to work with Mommy but come to find out, he didn’t pass the background check.

By this time, Barney was really annoying me, so when my pawrents went to work on Monday, I decided I had to show this guy what is important in my house and my state.  First, I showed him my video from Cometdog.

I told him that this state is only big enough for one diva, and that job is already taken – by me.  I am the princess of this house and I call the shots.  Next, I schooled him on my Daddy’s college pride by showing him my Chief Illiniwek video.  We are still mad that U of I retired the Chief.  Here, I’m telling him he needs to show respect for his surroundings.

My Mommy always complains that her Millikin doesn’t get the love that Illinois does, so I’ll just throw out a “Go Big Blue” for her.

We then showed Barney all over Pontiac.  One of the coolest things about my town is what happened last summer.  All of these dogs came to town.  They were called “Wall Dogs.”  See, they are sign and mural artists who all get together in a different town every year and make murals.  It’s really cool and they came to my town last summer.  We decided to show Barney what these dogs could do.  Here are some of the murals they painted.  Any kind of “dog” is fine in my book.

I like this one because it’s got a dog in it.

I decided to try and lull Barney into a false sense of security by pretending to be nice to him and actually get in some pictures with him — all the time planning his demise.

Now, just so you know – my home town is right on Historic Route 66.  I’m sure you have heard of it.  We have a nice mural all about it, and we all took a picture with my Mommy’s car:

Now, not only do we have tons of murals, but we also have little cars – “Pontiac” Chevys – on our sidewalks that are painted by local artists.  They are just big enough for a three legged dog and a purple dinosaur to sit in.

We even have our own Route 66 Museum.  It’s only a block away from my Daddy’s office.  I can’t believe he ever gets any work done.

Now, we live in the County seat.  What that means is we have a court house in my town where my Mommy and Daddy work sometimes.  We have a really cool court house built like 140 years ago.

We have a very rich history.  Even Abraham Lincoln came here and argued several cases- although not at this court house.  We even introduced Barney to Abraham Lincoln:

I’m very confused by this.  I didn’t think Abraham Lincoln was around for cars.

With all of our adventures, Barney now believed that I was his friend.  Now, just so you know, I really wasn’t being that nice to Barney.  The whole time, I was planning on doing this to him.

Barney agreed to join us at VCA Animal Hospital for a special dog pawty.  They were celebrating all their dog cancer survivors and remembering those that have gone onto the rainbow bridge. 

I thought this would be a great opportunity for some other dogs to get their teeth on Barney.

I got a lot of love from everyone at the pawty.  My little cousin fed me hot dogs.  He didn’t want to share his cupcake but I took it anyway.

Barney decided he wanted to act like a big shot and he tried showing his skills on the agility field.

Once back at home, with Barney feeling confident in our “friendship,” he let his guard down.  That is when I pounced and did this:

I didn’t want my pawrents to see what I had done, so I got Barney an eye patch and tried to pass him off as a purple pirate.  Halloween is coming up, you know.

 

Barney was so traumatized, he asked if we could go back to Daddy’s office.  He had some business he wanted to take care.  I decided to humor him.

Then Barney took off.  He just ran away without warning!  We got a phone call, saying a purple dinosaur/pirate was on the bridge.  We rushed down to the river and saw this:

He kept yelling that it was all my fault.  Geez.  Now that the big moment is here — don’t you wonder if I let him go through with it?

I guess we will have to wait and see if Barney gets rescued by the next tripawd or if he fell to his death in Pontiac, IL.  Or perhaps he got washed down the Vermillion River to a new home.

Goodbye Barney – I will never forget our adventures together or how your insides tasted.

Bazinga!!!

-Princess Ginger



18 Responses to “Barney gets his kicks — and his butt kicked on Route 66”

  1.   Carmen (Catie's Mom) Says:

    Oh, Ginger, did you ever give Barney the run-around! Hope your pawrents didn’t clue into the real reason behind the purple pirate disguise and for Barney being on the bridge!!

    Loved the pics of your historic town. Laughed out loud at you and Barney watching the movie of you, you smothering Barney, Barney photocopying his butt – oh heck, to be honest, I loved them all.

    Well done, Ginger!! This was worth the wait! 🙂

  2.   jdsmom Says:

    Good on ya Ginger!! Drawing fuzz what a great achievement!

    If Barney survives and moves on to visit another Tripawd I believe the Last Will and Testament needs to travel with him…just in case.

    So glad you showed him that you are the Princess of Pontiac what hospitality your family showed to him, but what about the all powerful socks? Where did they go?

    Thanks for sharing the photos of your conquest- so very funny!!!

    Spirit JD’s mom

  3.   Chloes mom Says:

    What a great story on the killbarney tour! I too loved the photo of Barney photocopying his butt! What no dino butt picture to share?

    Anyway, the murals were just amazing!!! I want to go see them for myself some day! They photographed great and they objects looked like they were going to pop off the wall! Plus, the cars were just too cute!

    Ginger sure had some sneaky sneaky plans for Barney! I guess she knew that some parts of the world consider eyes a delicacy. At least he had a sewing operation to reattach his eye. Looks like you had a great time showing Barney around your neck of the country!

    -Chloe’s mom

  4.   cometdog Says:

    A CLIFFHANGER!?!??!?!?!? Bazinga is right!

    Ooooh! Ginger Legalpants I dunno if I can wait that long! But you did get some brain guts and managed to make him one-eyed! He’s gotta be hurtin’! That’s my kinda gal!

    I knew you were a clever gal and of course, the one true princess! You got a poker face! You had me fooled by the pictures! It looked like a good time, but then WHAM-OOOOO! Take that Barney! Ka-pow! Oh, does that hurt Barney? TOO BAD!!!

    ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ I’m doing my happy hop! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

    Thanks for tipping us off on the inability to smother him! I thought that would work but maybe since he’s already purple, I guess it’s a little tricky since you can’t see if he is turning purple! Purple hues only have subtle differences.

    Smart move on showing him your big screen debut! He probably thought, “No Worries” and relaxed. OH! Smart girl!

    I loved how your mom and dad never got a clue! They look like good hosts! Funny, how pawrents are goofy that way! It’s Barney for gawd’s sake! Why would they be nice and make him want to come back!?? Geeze!

    Well, Ginger you did good! FINALLY! I knew I could count on you! AND if he didn’t die maybe we can try blackmail with that photocopy picture of his butt? (Hey, we are dogs – those blackmail laws don’t apply to us!)

    I can’t wait to see if Barney is only wounded or dead!!!!

    Again –
    I’m doing my happy hop! Do it with me…
    HOP HOP HOP!

    -Cool. Cat. Happy COMETDOG!

  5.   kobe341 Says:

    Ginger – it looks like you had a very exciting time with Barney!!He got the grand tour of Pontiac! Kobe and I knew we had something in common – I graduated from the U of I too and am also still mourning Chief Illiniwek! I was born in Bloomington and grew up in Northern Illinois and while I like living in Florida there is nothing like Fall in Illinois..and some Illini football 🙂 We’re so glad to read about your adventures and Kobe can’t wait to hear what happened after Barney took to the bridge!!

    Bethany and Kobe

  6.   etgayle Says:

    OMG another illini tripawd???? who knew… my don went there too, and we live in a ‘U of I shrine’..but i digress.

    ginger, you are amazing – you really gave barney ‘what for’. and what a wonderful town pontiac is – definitely worth a visit sometime!!! thanks for sharing your barney adventures, i’d say after all of that, you need a good long nap!

    gayle

  7.   maggie Says:

    Well done Ginger!!!! Loved Barney’s adventures AND love the fact you got the best of him!! I wanted to but Mom wouldn’t let me 🙁 She said he had many more adventures to do!

    Great photo’s!!!

    Maggie

  8.   Fortisdad Says:

    Way to go Ginger! Thanks for the tour of your beautiful town. I must say you sure are one smart dog. I was positive Lincoln drove a Continental! I get confused sometimes. Anyhow, I sure hope a big gust of wind came up and blew Barney into the river. And way to go for the eyes. Hey, what are your folks doing with a pair of handcuffs anyway?

    Fortis

  9.   Ginger Says:

    Thanks for the great responses. I had a lot of fun with the purple dinosaur – I mean purple pirate.

    You all had some questions, so I will try to answer them.

    About the socks – while we were walking around, Barney complained of being hot. He doesn’t get IL weather that there are some days you have to have the heat on in the morning and then the AC in the afternoon.

    Photocopies of Barney’s butt – I was sure to make several copies, in case they are needed in the future. Aka: blackmail!! Also, you never know when one will show up somewhere 🙂

    Bethany – no way. My Daddy grew up in Bloomington-Normal – too cool!

    Go U of I and the Chief!!

    The handcuffs – Mommy is a Probation Officer so she has them for work. Nothing exciting or scandalous there.

    I love visitors – as long as they are not purple. The murals are way better in person.

    I am going to take a lesson from my friend Gayle and go take a nap!!

  10.   killbarney Says:

    Thanks for the fun time, even if I did lose a little fluff! 🙂

  11.   anyemery Says:

    Oh, Ginger – that was a great report on your visit with the purple dinosaur! My mom laughed out loud at all the wrong times, though. She must be like your mom – wants to be nice to guests, etc. She doesn’t get that the purple dinosaur is not a guest, but an intruder sent by the monkey butts of the world! We’re hoping you finally gave him what he deserved and that he won’t darken the door of anymore tripawds. Thanks, Ginger! I think you may have saved us!
    Hugs,
    HJBG

  12.   credocanis Says:

    Ginger – That was the perfect ending to my day. I laughed out loud…butt copies, dead presidents, convertibles, alumni support, suicide (attempts?), a really good “I like you” ruse, legal counsel, movies, sightseeing, obstacle courses, suffocation, hot dogs, eye decimation, and, drum roll please…a bonafide CLIFF HANGER.

    Bravo, Ginger, Bravo!! Well done Princess.

    Lincoln’s Mom

  13.   jerry Says:

    Ginger, you could get arrested for ripping out his guts you know? Hahaha! Good girl!

    You shouldda heard my Mom laughing her head off from here. To see all that Barney got to do was too much fun!

    But what WAS the end result? Did he jump? Did you push him? What’s in his will? We wanna know!!! Tell us!!!

    Loved that adventure, you beautiful diva!

  14.   Ginger Says:

    Jerry, ordinarily I would say that to tell you what was in his will would violate dinosaur – legalpants privilege. However, I think I’ll risk it and tell you all. Barney’s will included a diatribe against all Tripawds. He then left all his worldy belongings to Monkey Dogs everywhere so they can use the proceeds to carry on their fight.

    As far as what happened, what kind of a cliffhanger would it be if I spoiled it? One thing I will say is that I was recently visited by McGruff the crime dog. Something about investigating an alleged Barn-icide. I denied knowing anything. They will never find my paw prints on the dinosaur. Hopefully, they can’t match teeth marks. I’ll keep you all posted.

  15.   Mackenzie's Mom Says:

    So sorry Princess Ginger – I’m just catching up to all of this. Had to see what Barney was up to next. LOL!! I must say your adventure with Barney – very satisfying to read. You sure did put him in his place. You make us all proud! And I will be keeping our paws crossed that they can’t match teeth marks….cause you know who else had their teeth sunk into Barney (there’s quite a few of us out there). I’m afraid we’d all be charged as a Princess Ginger accomplice…so mum’s the word here! Excellent work Ginger! P.S. Definitely use those butt copies for blackmail – especially if he resurfaces :).

  16.   indi Says:

    What a great tour of your home town, Ginger! I loved it. Pontiac, Illinois sure is different than Portland, Oregon. And I love Barney’s eye patch. I vote for it to stay on.

  17.   Sadie's mom Says:

    Finally, someone who understands that “killbarney” means kill Barney! Not, “let’s play rough with Barney but make sure he doesn’t get hurt too bad and in case we hurt his feelings we’ll feed him and knit him some socks (although I gotta say, the socks are pretty cool and it’s good karma to spread around some juju, but I digress)” Ginger, you did an awesome job! You told the story so well that I could taste Barney’s “stuffing brains”! Whoohoo! Since I’m no longer here on earth to finish the job, if he ever showed up in Nevada, I would have to leave it up to my sister Athena to do him in (if he’s not already done in by the river). The only thing is that someone would have to to a squeaker implant before he got here. Athena will do anything to get to a squeaker (even Barneycide, I’m pretty sure) Again, way to go Princess Ginger!
    Spirit Sadie

  18.   Peyton's Path Says:

    I thought for sure you were going to kill Barney Ginger! I could see it in your eyes, but no you turned soft! What happened? I don’t know what it is, but that purple guy grows on you!

    Great adventure!

    XOXO
    Dillon and Rhys

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